All you need is love.
1 Corinthians 13 is having a huge impact in my way of thinking right now.
Its the “love chapter”.
I encourage you to read it before you continue reading this. Don’t have a bible? Then use this awesome site called Biblegateway.
When I look at my life, I can see plenty of relationships that are strained, or worse yet, broken. Some of these relationships are easier to work on than others. This is due primarily to me not being the best team player (although I’m really trying to work on it). In some cases, these relationships take hard work or patience to patch up- and apparently, I’m unwilling to wait.
If I’m trying to patch up a relationship with someone that I can honestly say I love, why is it so hard? Why do I end up feeling like if I do one thing for that person, they should somehow repay me in kind- as if we are supposed to meet each other half way? Why can’t I walk the extra mile to fix it?
I need to firmly commit myself- equipped with all of the love and patience God will give me- to fix these broken relationships.
Going to be a rough time, but I feel good about it.
Psalm 18:1-3
These are some of my favorite verses in the Bible.
Psalm 18:1-3
1 I love you, O Lord, my strength.
2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
I love those three verses. Sometimes I think deep affection can only be described in simplicity. Those three verses show what I feel for our God. It is stark and bare, it isn’t powdered and puffed with fancy words and metaphors. It is simply “I love you O Lord…”
It is incredible to think that God can reduce me to not knowing what to say. I can think of no earthly words that describe what God means to me. Even if my actions might not always show it, God is what I want to live for always. He is mighty, and He is gracious. He is loving, and He is simply amazing. He saves me when I am weak, and strengthens me when I am down. He is my shelter in my dark times, and He is the Father that every little boy wishes they had.
I love you God.
Under construction.
It occurred to me yesterday as I drove back from my school’s Senior Breakfast(which was awesome), that the Holy Spirit is an incredible carpenter. It hit me when I looked over as my best friend and I drove through Liberty City (we were straight up lost) and saw a completely run down building that had a sign out front that read : “Coming soon- Publix!”
As I looked at the building, a few things ran through my head. Will they just demolish the building and start from scratch? Would it be more cost effective to just renovate the already existing building? If it isn’t more cost effective, how badly is the building screwed up?
As much as I hate it when Christians use extended metaphors, here goes…
People are a lot like buildings, with the Holy Spirit acting as the construction crew. When I let sin start to crawl into my life, its a slow deterioration. A leaky faucet here, a few glances too long at a girl there. Its the little things that start to crack at the paint job and the foundation of the building. When we start to neglect the responsibility we have to maintain ourselves, things start to go haywire.
I’ve been in my share of houses that looked perfectly fine from the outside, but upon entering, there is so much clutter and general disorder. Then again, I’ve been in a few houses that look rickety from the outside, but are quite pimplicious (copyrighting that word) inside.
Sometimes when we need the Holy Spirit, he has to tear everything down and start from the ground up. He has to rebuild us because what we made ourselves to be is a complete loss. Sometimes we have some good qualities down, and its just easier for the Holy Spirit to change a few pipes, throw on a nice paint job, and viola!
It amazes me (as I think it does any Christian) when I look back and see the person I was and the person I am now. When I look at that, it makes my faith so much stronger. I become a testimony to myself to how powerful our God is. I am also able to see the person I can be for God, and avoid the misgivings that lead me down the path to being a disheveled mess of a building again.
I think every Christian can take a hard look at themselves and see where sin has crept into their lives (however small it may be). Of course, we’ll never be perfect (thank God- too much pressure for that), but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try our doggone hardest to make God proud.
Outside looking in.
Suffice to say, this past month (and a couple of weeks) have been ridiculously stressful. I’ve had to deal with a breakup that completely threw me off physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I found out that I might not graduate if I don’t get some attendance problems figured out. I need to bring in a plethora of books that I owe to my school soon (or risk having to pay $500+). All in all, a rough month.
With all of these goings ons, God has used this time to make me grow. I’ve gained a new fire for God. Given, it still has its high and low points, but I think my new lows are comparable to my former highs. I’m still a mess, but now I have solace in my God, and the feeling is incredible.
I’ve also gained a new passion for worship. Attribute it to my worship leader, Jimmy, making me use a pick to play my guitar (or as he would like to say- God making him making me use a pick), which enhances the quality of the playing, or attribute it to some funky Holy Spirit work going on.
From the outside looking in though, there are plenty of things I still need to work on. Around my non-Christian friends, I curse like a sailor. I’m not wearing a mask around different groups of friends, its just that when I hear people cursing, I fall into that trap very easily. One of my goals is to stop cursing ( or seriously limit it). I still have horrible discipline when it comes to prayer. I don’t do it consistently, and I usually do it when I need something, and that makes me feel horribly ungrateful.
What makes me hurt is that while I see myself growing, I can see others in this rut of spiritual stagnancy. I’m not judging them, I mean, that was me a couple of months ago. I just hate having to see them like that. The thing that hurts the most is that someone who is very close to my heart seems to be going through this spiritual backslide. It worries me, but I guess I will just have to find comfort in the fact that God has a plan.
I feel great about where God is leading me, and I’m glad I don’t control my life.
Too much pressure.
Things pending.
So, I’m writing from school. I have my 5th period off and decided to take a little trip down to the CAP Adviser’s office (which basically means unrestricted computer use). Our school’s CAP adviser is the funk and a half.
I have so many things that I need to get done, and there seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do them all. I have to get my license so I can get a car. I have to fix an attendance problem at my school which could hold me back from graduating. I have to stay consistent in my online school courses. I have to fix another attendance problem that is keeping me from competing in my school’s mock trial (which I’ve invested 3 years in). Oh well. Live and learn.
On a much lighter note, I ordered an mp3 Bible last night. Its called “The Bible Experience” by inspiredby ministries. Its incredible. It has so many A-list actors reading the Bible, and from what I sampled, it really brought the passages I knew to life. Imagine this… Denzel Washington is Solomon. Samuel L. Jackson is God! Kirk Franklin is Peter. L.L. Cool J is Samson. Forrest Whitaker is Moses. Angela Bassett narrates the Christmas story. Seriously, it sounds straight up incredible. I can’t wait until it ships.
By the way, Blair Underwood does the voice of Jesus. If you’ve never seen Blair Underwood act, I encourage you to rent anything with him in it. I’m psyched to listen to the Gospels with Underwood filling in Jesus’ voice.
Check it.
Oh well, just have to keep waiting and praying.
Good night.
Tonight was a good night. None of my original plans came to fruition (besides hanging out with my best friend). The original formula for my plans tonight was
1 best friend+ 2 girls+1 abandoned hospital= awesome.
The night actually went a little like this
1 best friends+ 1 meal at BK+ an awesome soundtrack= awesome.
An hour of our night was spent waiting on the aforementioned two girls to leave a family party (which they later found out they could not leave). This hour was spent in a Burger King parking lot, with Chauncey and I playing air guitar and leg drums (basically just slapping my legs really hard). It was great. Although, my thighs are on fire. You don’t notice how hard you’re hitting yourself when you’re into the music (especially classics like The Scorpion’s Rock You Like A Hurricane).
Then I was immersed in what makes me user friendly in the black community. T. Pain- Church. Go listen to this song. It is so amazing. Not a fan of the foul language? Watch the video on Youtube- its all censored.
On another note, I’m a little sad and disappointed. My favorite pro wrestler, Jeff Hardy, has reached the highest point ever in his career. He was set to have a WWE Championship match again Randy Orton, but tonight at No Way Out (a WWE pay-per-view event), Jeff Hardy lost to Triple H in an Elimination Chamber match, losing his title shot. Me sad.
In closing, because we were headed to a creepy, abandoned hospital, an amazing line was spawned…
“Make sure you don’t get eaten by no ghosts…”
“Nigga! Ghosts don’t eat people! Zombies do!”
I’m a fan.
Why do I wake up?
Sometimes I don’t even know why I wake up in the morning. Like today for instance…its just a crappy day.
I ended up having to skimp out on church because my parents went to the Boat Show in the morning (ridiculously early), and I didn’t have a ride. Everyone who lives in my area was sleeping somewhere else incredibly. So, Bryan was left sans ride to church.
So now I’m bored until tonight, at which point I get to hang out with some friends. Visiting an abandoned hospital! Proverbial w00t w00t there. Maybe I’ll see some crazy paranormal crap. Or Rosie O’Donnell. Either way, terrifying.
And in a completely unrelated note, I originally typed O’Donell (which apparently is incorrect). Good ‘ole WordPress spellchecked it and told me the correct way to spell it. This leaves me wondering… Is Rosie just so famous as to get her last name programmed into computers, or is it just because she has her own orbit and we can’t ignore her?
You decide. Lemme’ know.
Keeping busy.
Definitely one of the things that helps to keep me feeling sane lately is keeping busy. As long as I occupy myself with some sort of activity, I get to live with an “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy, if only for a few more hours. I know it might not seem like the healthiest thing to ignore problems, but hey, thats not the point of me writing.
The point of me writing is to marvel at how amazing my friends are.
I spent tonight at my friend Kasey’s house for her (rather late) birthday party. All we did was hang out. Seriously, there were no activities, no T.V.- just friends and a backyard. Its great to see what friends can talk about when the night is coming to a close and everyone is tired. The night’s goings-ons went from things as cheesy as laughing contests, to talking about how great the WB used to be before it was taken off the air.
Here is a highlight of the night to give an idea of how great it was:
Kinshiro (after taking Beca’s seat) – What do you call a retarded asian baby?
Beca (after realizing her seat was taken) – In my seat.
Biggest burn of life. Seriously. Especially coming from Beca. Burns always hurt more when you don’t expect them from someone.
So all in all, my friends are great. And they keep me just busy enough to keep my worries at bay.
Boo yah.
Ramble v.1
So I’ve found that my being alone with my thoughts is a dangerous thing. It gives me too much time to dwell on things and read between the lines. I end up coming to conclusions that are non-existent. Its frustrating mainly because I want to stay positive and clear headed.
Another reason that my brooding is such a killer is that it eats away at my wanting to commune with God. It gets to a point a lot of the times where I feel like He isn’t as near to me as He could be. Given, I know the theological implications of that statement (I’m the one drawing away from Him, etc.), but that doesn’t change the fact that those are my feelings. I know my feelings can be deceiving, but thats only because the Bible tells me so.
I hate sounding doubtful or weak, but my feelings are far more tangible these days than God’s presence.
I find myself reading my Bible because its what I’m told I should do, not because I want to. I don’t know… Things are difficult.
